Using Compatikey for understanding existing relationships is about knowing the hidden ingredients recipes in all of your significant past and present relationships. These recipes are your opportunity to gain additional understandings about the invisible differences and similarities, that are contributing to the different qualities of relationship you are experiencing every day. Relationships ranging from your most difficult to your most compatible.

Imagine discovering that a challenge you experience with someone close to you, has less to do with what you think they are doing, and more to do with invisible differences in the very nature of who and how you each are! We've all heard people say "We have our differences" when speaking of a challenging relationship.

• Compatikey is a chance to see that there is a whole set of natural qualities and tendencies that are invisible, not chooseable and not changeable. And these invisible details make us different in ways that are also not visible, not chooseable and not changeable.
• Imagine how a conflict caused by these kinds of differences could lead to a never-ending destructive cycle, as two people continually try to change what is unchangeable about the other! That is when an irreconcilable difference is born.
• With Compatikey it doesn't have to be that way. Seeing natural and invisible differences creates an opportunity to understand and accept rather than judge, blame and struggle to force change where actual change cannot occur.

Here are some examples using Compatikey for understanding existing relationships:

Scenario 1: Taking the Dys out of Dysfunctional!
Every family has a dynamic. The most enjoyable dynamics will look and feel like loving acceptance, open appreciation, genuine affection, honesty and respectful attention. A less fortunate family dynamic will have varying degrees of harmful negative judgments, avoidance, disrespect, disdain, backstabbing, blaming and emotional or physical abuse. Whatever your case may be, it's usually apparent that some family members get along better than others. Whatever your particular family dynamic is, using Compatikey can always add value simply by revealing the invisible recipes between each pair of you! It couldn't be easier. By creating a profile that includes an e-mail address for each family member and then initiating a share, every member of the family receives the family group in their Compatikey account if they already have one. If any family member does not have an account, this process automatically creates a Free 14 day trial account for them. Now that everyone is looking at themselves and one another through the common lens of Compatikey, you now have a new vocabulary to explore the invisible differences that are now visible! Once everybody has had a chance to experience the visual family result and compare it to their personal memories of the family dynamic over time, getting together to have a discussion about what you've each learned can be a fun and transformative experience. It's a great idea to each wear "What I Am" stickers that display each individual's Relationship Style and Plan Style as a continuous reminder of the invisible differences and similarities between you as discussions unfold. Top of Page

Scenario 2: The Stealth Approach!
This approach is very useful in families with an uncomfortable family dynamic. If the mention of using a relationship tool like Compatikey to try and improve things, or even the suggestion of gathering for discussion is met with resistance, the stealth approach is the way to go for you.

1. Enter your entire family and any other significant relationships in your life, into your account, and learn about the differences and similarities in the different recipes.
2. Then interact with each individual separately with this new perspective, quietly making notes of how the different recipes match up and validate the different experiences you have with each. You will quickly develop an understanding of which recipes you prefer, just as you already have an opinion about which relationships you have preferred.
3. The next step it to see if you can improve the experience of the more challenging relationships simply by perceiving them differently. Using your understanding their nature to let go of any tendency to judge them for their tendencies and behavior. The other person will actually feel the difference in the way you perceive them even though they have no idea what you now know or are doing differently! Depending on the person a new sense of trust and openness can allow a discussion about Compatikey where you can show and explain what you have learned.
4. You can even give them their own account by initiating a share on yours and their member profiles. Top of Page

Scenario 3: Engage in Insider Relating! Thanks to MB, NYC "Insider Dating" story for inspiration on the title!
That sounds illegal, risky and kind of exciting! Insider Relating is about being successful in relationships. Just like MB's stock market analogy in "Insider Dating", where the more you know about the market, the companies, the management behind them and what they all do, the greater your return on the investments you make will be. Relationships are investments as well. Only your investment is time and energy, and the return is the amount of satisfaction you experience in that relationship! The more inside information you have about what is visibly and invisibly contributing to any relationship, the better your return on investment will be.

To engage in Insider Relating,

1. Know the Compatikey recipe between you and someone else
2. Take that additional understanding into consideration when relating to them. In new relationships of any kind, friends, business, dating, etc., starting the relationship from the very beginning knowing the invisible recipe gives you a tremendous advantage for getting the most out of that relationship. If it's a recipe that you know from experience has presented challenges for you, those challenges can be avoided by having the knowledge upfront. Knowing upfront means you can accept the invisible differences as they are.
3. This knowing, allows you to avoid inner stories and destructive judgments, which lead to choices and behavior that might otherwise prevent the relationship from being fruitful in whatever ways it is meant to.

Every relationship has something to offer. Using Compatikey is an opportunity to see that when a relationship is bad, that doesn't mean the people are bad. Bad relationships can be simply the product of challenging combinations of good people! Make it a habit to Insider Relate, and you will get more out of every relationship and your life as a result! Top of Page

Scenario 4: The Black Sheep Syndrome!
This is most common in families because they are together long enough for the majority to develop judgments about the single member that is different. When this happens, that family member is commonly referred to as a "Black Sheep". That title is usually not considered to be a good thing. (It's not the golden sheep.) The measure of that is the group's behavior toward the Black Sheep over time. Black Sheep are often unconsciously judged by other family members as being difficult, stubborn, wrong, different or odd. It's not necessarily mean spirited, it's just the way groups process what appears to them to be nonconformity. As a result, some Black Sheep experience emotional, physical and spiritual consequences as a result of years of judgment, shame, ridicule or rejection.

One look at a Compatikey result for a family that has a Black Sheep can reveal instantly the invisible differences that can lead to this destructive label and the destructive pattern that follows!

• Everyone is perfect just as they are, as seen on the invisible level through the lens of Compatikey.
• There are no "right" or "wrong" combinations.
• Each combination is perfect because nature doesn't make mistakes like that! Knowing that one member of a family has a perfect combination that happens to be different from the perfect combination that everyone else shares, changes everything!
• Instead of judgment and shame due to a misunderstood difference, there is another choice. The unique individual can now be perceived with acceptance and appreciation for the special differences that one member brings to the family.

Perhaps you're a black sheep or know one. If not, imagine that you were one. Which would feel better?

1. Being shamed and judged by those closest to you because you're somehow different than them.
2. Being seen, accepted and appreciated for the differences you bring!

Whether that realization is at the very beginning or anywhere along the path, the difference for everyone is profound and positive. Especially for the black sheep, who has a chance to be seen as a golden gift!! Sometimes it's all in how you look at something, and Compatikey allows you to see what could never be seen before! Top of Page